teen years

Some days I wonder how in the world I got where I am. What chain of events, pivotal points, shaped my life into what it is today. I realize that a lot of it is the way I grew up; sadly, I have to admit that there were/are a lot of strong women in my life. Always sticking their noses in and giving their 2 cents on everything from the way I wear my hair to how late I could be out and with whom. It is their views on god, relationships, fashion, and health that made my teen years an absolute nightmare.

God was something that my grandmother pushed by the mouthfuls down our throats with a wooden spoon. The rest of my family had no time for church, prayer or religion. My mother would tell me that before I was born they would go to church every Sunday….therefore, in my young mind, it was my fault that they lost their religion. Stupid to think, yes, but as a child it still felt like an unspoken accusation.

Relationships were considered taboo so all that knowledge came from observations and peers. Rarely were my parents affectionate in front of me except maybe a quick peck on the mouth. Mind you, I was glad for this, because what kid wants to see their parent make out but I also realized that it was not normal…at least I hope it’s not normal. Hearing stories about my peers having wild parties where they got so drunk they fucked anyone was not what I would hope for a normal relationship either. It was all about status and looks, very superficial. Those few that weren’t were all about the heartbreak and the he said she said, living for the next emotional rollercoaster.

Fashion, well, the 90’s were not the most fashionable, especially for an overweight four eyes. My family couldn’t afford name brands so the nike, wrangler, lees, and other cool clothes were out of my range. Also, my mother is a skinny person in a fat body….she has no idea how to dress her body shape and therefore neither did I.

Health, health was a 4 letter word. My parents would try fad diets which would work for a few pounds and then they would give up. I did get to a strange liking for grapefruit juice and green tea because of them but I did lose my liking for tuna. Mom always thought that walking 3 miles a day was enough exercise to counter ice cream, peanut butter, chocolate and extra butter let alone what else she was eating. Not finishing your plate was an offence that left you sitting at the table for an hour but finishing your plate meant you could reward yourself with a treat. Said treat was always a sweat, sugary, caloric filled bowl or plate.

Makes me appricate how I have lost weight, held a long term relationship and have a good job.